21 November 2006

Santa Claus Shaken Down In Lieu Of Possible "Threat"...

The Jolly Old Elf himself was detained yesterday by County law-enforcement authorities, who cited that on specified days of any given year, this man was seen illegally entering peoples' homes (witnesses say via the chimney) to "drop off presents".

Although this cannot be corroborated by officials, they nonetheless held Mr. Claus over for questioning. The contents of these "presents" has not been ascertained at this writing, but special K-9 units, expressly trained for such "situations" have been given a green light to sniff out any "items of interest". And since there was never any damage (per se) to any property he entered, and NO signs of forced entry, any and all burglary allegations were summarily dismissed.

An undisclosed source said in a confidential interview that they had heard this man was "making a list", and supposedly checking it twice. Whether or not this was a basis for a terrorist cell investigation remains to be seen. On the list were names in two columns: NAUGHTY and NICE. The FBI stated that "The fact that Mr. Claus is NOT a U.S. national has no bearing on the investigation whatsoever". A list however, WAS found in the "sleigh" Mr. Claus was said to be using as transport during his "clandestine" activities. The sleigh is currently in the County impound lot and should be remanded to Mr. Claus's legal staff with the next 48 hours.

The DNR is also looking into the eight Reindeer used to pulling the sleigh, as Mr. Claus did not have on his person the proper permit to use such animals in his possession for this specific purpose. The eight animals might have to be held in quarantine at a local facility until such time as proof can be shown that these reindeer indeed are the sole property of Mr. Claus, are healthy, and that he is considered a capable handler and care-giver to the animals.

There are those that insist that Mr. Claus should sign up with the Sex Offender registry in the state, but although he HAS been seen in the company of MANY young children (who were oft times perched on Santa's lap as they spoke in hushed tones to one another), the county sees absolutely NO basis to pursue such action at this time. Although his actions may appear "dubious" to some, there is simply not enough evidence to support any wrongdoing on Mr. Claus's part. As "Santa" has maintained repeatedly: "They're only asking me what THEY want".

As per his attorney, Mr. Claus will be released on his own recognisance, and will be closely monitored come the 24th and 25th of next month (the time when these sightings increase in frequency). At that time both local law-enforcement agencies, as well as Homeland Security will determine whether or not to raise the threat level, based on all data reviewed.

* * * * *

((Just goes to show....how "paranoid" we all "could" become...doesn't it?))
(made 'ya laugh...!)

1 comment:

Tim Zank said...

Yep! You got me laughing on that one Bob!!