07 December 2006

Things That Make You Go..."Hmm..."

OK, so we had a snowfall today in the Summit City, and I noticed this morning that NOT ONE set of footprints were up or down the sidewalks... Now what exactly is "up" with that?
Our street has TWO (count 'em...two) perfectly good, functionable, relatively straight sidewalks between the curbs and the lawns. And they were provided by our tax money to the citizenry of the city to USE whenever the mood strikes them....I GUESS that was supposed to be the plan, anyway...
What I'm wondering is WHY all this fascination (apparently) with walking down the FRIGGING MIDDLE OF THE STREET when you already have those aforementioned sidewalks staring you in your primate faces? It's not like there has been a BAN on walking THERE (yet). And it's not like people set up "roadblocks" to keep people OFF the sidewalks. And the last time I checked, your chances of getting struck by a vehicle were considerably less on a sidewalk than in a damn street. SO why make yourself a potential target for automobiles?

Well, I tried to do some checking online, and although the *N* word came up quite a few times (make that a LOT), I still could not find any definitive evidence for this supposed "need" for this activity. I'm damn close to seeing about getting a government GRANT to pay for my "research"...LOL!

In the meantime, I've come up with some suppositional data that may (or may not) support my conclusions, based solely on my observations (and photographic abilities).

1) Sidewalks are like drugs...they're just bad....M' Kay? (Mr Mackey would like this)
2) Sidewalks are the invention of the "white man", and therefore will be ignored by every other race.
3) Sidewalks are only there to FORCE ethnic people to NOT walk in the street, and since ANY type of "authority" is anathema to most of them anyway, the middle of the street is preferred (kind of like doing THEIR own "thang"...)
4) Sidewalks won't produce (fake) lawsuits nearly as quickly as getting hit by a car (when you didn't have the common sense to get out of it's way) will.
5) Sidewalks are for dumping cans, bottles, and wrappers onto (that is NOT what they mean by "keep our STREETS clean".....idiots)
6) Sidewalks get too easily crowded when TEN people gather to "shoot the shit" (streets have a lot more room for cars to "try" to get by)
7) Sidewalks are for people NOT "in touch" with their ethnicity (Hey, Everyone in AFRICA walks down the middle of the street...they're just getting back to their "roots")
8) Sidewalks are lighter than the streets (and although they WILL walk all over anyONE who may be lighter than them, they won't walk on anyTHING that is....)
9) Sidewalks are only there to keep all the lawns from fraying at the edges

Now I will (again) admit that this is based entirely on WHAT I SEE, and might differ from anything YOU could have seen (but I'm thinking not).

I happen to be one of those people that CLEANS the damn snow off of the sidewalk (why I don't know) early enough to meet the city ordinance (that states it should be free of snow by 10AM)...unlike EVERYONE else who is home ALL DAMN DAY, but can't move a little snow from a damn sidewalk). I used to beat my neighbor (who moved since) with his snowblower at cleaning off the walkways. When I see some third world nation on TV, their people toting loads of *whatever* on their backs walking along DIRT ROADS (and this IS the 21st century...no excuse not to have something better to walk on)...I always exclaim: "Oh, another story about the SOUTH side of town?" Sorry, but it's just *my* observations....

Used to be a time when walking down the street and negating the sidewalks would get your ass beat royally (as a child). Come to think of it...in ANY major city with a helluva lot more people than we have HERE, you NEVER see folks ambling down the middle of a street. And why is that? Well, with all the cars, buses, trucks, SUVs and motorcycles about...it can get you hurt, if not killed...REALLY fast. They even have laws for "jaywalking"...crossing anywhere BUT at the corners of some intersections (especially in NYC and L.A.).

Here in Fort Wayne...as usual...ANYTHING GOES.....walk wherever the hell you want...screw those motorists who rightly BELONG in the street...walk right down the damn middle, and don't budge a damn INCH when a car wants to "get past" your stupid ass....and kick their car if they have the balls to HONK at you (for being where you don't belong in the first place)...shame on THEM. Toss some racial slur at them too, because YOU own the city...that's why YOU don't use the sidewalks....(assholes)!

Personally, whenever I see people walking down the middle of ANY street, with sidewalks well within reach, I can't help but assist them in finding their way back to them by directing my car TOWARDS them, revving the engine as I approach. Remember, that's NOT a "hood ornament" on your vehicle...it's a "targeting device".

Maybe if more people did this, those old neglected sidewalks might once again become noted for what they were designed for....like PEOPLE!

Or we could always go the "other" route...and start DRIVING ON THE SIDEWALKS...after all, there sure as hell ain't anyone there to get in our way, right?


Tim Zank said...

Bob, Your "neighbors" walk down the middle of the street, slowly I'm sure, just to piss off anybody they can. It's kind of a slow-motion swagger that says "You're damn right the world owes me a living, get your damn car outta my way"

B.G. (Semper Paratus) said...

Tim...you sure as hell got THAT right!

Around my neck of the woods we used to call that TNB!