When You Think INDIANA...

You can be assured that whatever you "thought" can very well wind up about 180 degrees from what most folks refer to as NORMAL. That's not saying that ALL of the Hoosier state is in such disarray.

I recall (as a child) remembering that Indiana seemed like such a cool place....after all, they DID have the Indianapolis 500! Then again, that was back when racing WAS racing. I remember doing book reports on other states, Indiana being one of them, and back in those days, the state would send (upon request), a TON of stuff pertaining to the state...flyers, brochures, even small paperback books on the history of the state. Be nice to have them TODAY and see how much has changed since the late 50s.

With that as a preface, I just want to share some of my "personal" observations about how you can definitively KNOW that you live on the SOUTH side of Fort Wayne, Indiana.

You KNOW you live on the SOUTH side of Ft. Wayne if...

Your pistol is always next to the salad fork at the dinner table.

Your neighborhood block is referred to as "Cracker Hill".

Almost everyone (but you) walks in the street when there are sidewalks.

You have NOWHERE to shop...BUT everywhere else.

Almost all the "neighbors" have at least THREE cars, & ONE license plate between them.

You rearrange furniture by placing teflon pads under the legs & let the boomcars do the rest.

The outside of your house or garage is used as the community urinal.

You receive OVER 350 wrong numbers asking for someone at "Ray's Snackbar".

You weigh your words carefully when using "crack" and "house" in the same sentence.

Sleep has become a "lost art" in your life.

During ANY holiday, the neighborhood becomes the local "shooting range".

July 4th fireworks START in EARLY MAY.

July 4th fireworks END in LATE SEPTEMBER.

The first weekend of EVERY month is ALWAYS crowded at the grocery store.

You have a liquor store within staggering distance, no matter WHERE you live.

A YIELD sign means "keep going", & a through street means "come to a complete stop".

You value your "concealed-carry" permit MORE than your driver's license.

The area kids can describe the new "juvenile facility" to you ONE week after it opens.

You have the police department on "speed-dial".

You have the fire department on "speed-dial".

You have animal control on "speed-dial".

You have code enforcement on "speed-dial".

Memorial Day doesn't honor the dead...it WAKES them UP due to the loud music.

The LOUDEST idiot is always the LAST to go to bed & the FIRST to wake up.

You can piss off people in the area JUST by being WHITE ...and BREATHING.

You think of "bling" as a bullet that ricocheted off of something.

Every other car has a "HOT-107" sticker on it.

Every other car has a trash bag for a rear window.

Every other car has at least ONE bulb burned out somewhere.

Every other car does NOT have a muffler.

You are the ONLY one on your block that actually HAS A REAL JOB.

You are the ONLY one on your block that actually PAYS any kind of TAXES.

Even the police robot refuses to go into your area for a bomb threat.

That speedbump you thought the city installed is "just another body".

You talk to your plants because they hold better conversations than people living near you.

Even DECENT BLACK folks shy away from your neighborhood.

You take down the BEWARE OF DOG sign & put up a BEWARE OF OWNER sign.

Every decent neighbor that moves away is replaced by someone with a ghetto mentality.

The good news in your area is that the HOMICIDE rate is lower than last year.

The bad news is that all the people that NEEDED to be shot....weren't.

And that's just the TIP of the "iceberg"....More are always on the way.
Gee, that's what we say about the police, too...more ARE on the way (must have been that 14th "party-armed" call made to dispatch this week)...

Yes friends, it's not quite the 7th layer of hell...YET.
But the area is AT LEAST trying.