Believe It...Or ELSE!

Time for some real fun at the expense of all those out there posing as human beings (and failing miserably in the attempt). WE KNOW who you are, where you live, and what you've done. And we're going to be as subtle as a brick through a plate glass window with these folks.

So, without any further delay...Let's bring it!

The Allen County Courthouse has gotten into "spruce up" mode by trimming their shrubs outside. And they've found a bunch of knives and cellphones, and even 2 pot pipes in the process.
(At least they haven't found any guns..or bodies...yet. Now, if we could ONLY get them motivated into dealing with the "shrubs" on our streets...'ya think?)

A bald man went into a pharmacy in Ossing, NY and STOLE 5 bottles of hair loss treatment, but was caught while running away. He was jailed in lieu of $3000 bail and is due in court tomorrow.
(Kinda EXPENSIVE "treatment" in the long run, wasn't it, Bub? Does the phrase HAIR CLUB FOR MEN ring any bells?)

A South Carolina woman who went to court to pay a TRAFFIC fine drove there...in a STOLEN car, ending up behind bars.
(Next time...take the BUS, stupid. Who the hell GROWS these morons?)

L.A. County officers conducted a "chimney sweep" when they discovered a man lodged in a woman's chimney while attempting a burglary. The man was released (from the chimney that is) and was promptly arrested and will serve 2 years in jail, as well as pay $10,000 in restitution.
(And you NEVER tell the police you were "doing construction work" ...at some weird hour...from the INSIDE of the chimney...at a former girlfriend's house...alone...without permission.)

The Feds have slashed the key rate 1/2 percent and the DOW soars.
(Time for another ride on the *E* ticket roller coaster, folks!)

Children playing with a lighter sparked a fire at the Eden Green apartment complex. The kids had set a couch on fire that was on a patio...at 8 in the evening!
(Let the place burn the hell down...we've got enough problems with that area as it is. Besides, the FWPD could use a little "down time" around there.)

A former navy supply officer pleaded guilty to possessing SIXTY unregistered machine guns that were found in his Wisconsin home. Prosecutors aren't sure HOW he got the weapons. The officer faces up to TEN years in prison and a $250,000 fine, but could get a lighter sentence for entering a guilty plea.
(OK...he was a S-U-P-P-L-Y OFFICER...what's THAT tell you, Mr. prosecutor? Can someone just say "OOPS" here, people? At least IF he was a sex offender or a drug dealer in FORT WAYNE, he would have gotten off a LOT easier, right?)

O.J. has been charged with kidnapping in a sports memorabilia heist.
(Well, well, well.....at least there isn't a bloody glove that doesn't fit, Al Cowlings sold the Bronco, Johnny Cochrane has passed away, and Kato is nowhere to be found. Looks like a slam dunk THIS time around. See 'ya Juice.....it's been real, and it's been fun, but it ain't been REAL FUN)

Judge Paul Sacco, of Fort Lupton, Colorado has been ordering noise ordinance violators to listen to Barry Manilow, Barney songs, The Carpenters, and the like as punishment for their offenses. He rounds them up 4 times a year, and makes them attend a "session" where they are NOT allowed to sleep, read, talk, or chew gum. The music is played LOUDLY as well, to let these perps know how it feels. He has not seen any repeat offenders as a result.
(This guy is MY new hero! And I could add some music to the judge's list, such as ANY Hindu music, Yoko Ono, bagpipes, the chicken dance, the song that never ends, and definitely some SLIM WHITMAN...now THAT is entertainment. Nice to know at least ONE city is doing SOMETHING about this...kudos to Judge Sacco...you Are "The Man", right up there with Sheriff Joe Arpaio-the toughest sheriff in the West. I LOVE it!)

So there you have it guys & gals.
Believe It...Or ELSE!