What?
You beg to differ?
Surely I jest?
I've got to be kidding?
Let's take a look at WHY we're so darned better than everyone else, and how we're managing to retain that coveted top position in the global scheme of things.
Only in America...can we have athletic shoes ESPECIALLY manufactured for the FEET of NATIVE AMERICANS (guess having the government killing them and running them from THEIR land wasn't good enough...besides how many FOOT LOCKERS are there on reservations today?)
Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...or the police (but the police and EMTs never offer FREE CHEESY BREAD).
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink (yep, that's the first thing we always did with anyone who broke a leg...take 'em SKATING).
Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front (and after they SEE THE PRICES for the ciggies, they might just NEED medication to get their hearts regulated again).
Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers,large fries, and a DIET coke (glad I'm not wondering why Americans are becoming more at risk for obesity and diabetes).
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters (and stealing those pens used to have a $500 fine).
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage (or if you live on the south side of Fort Wayne, you see useless junk being DRIVEN by useless people).
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well:
'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Yeah, that about sums it up PERFECTLY!
Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines and parking garages with BRAILLE lettering (I'd like to know who's letting all these BLIND people drive in the FIRST place).
And while we at it...
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, & dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a BROKER?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called RUSH hour?
Why isn't there MOUSE-FLAVORED cat food?
When dog food has new and improved taste, WHO tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called APARTments when they are all stuck together?
If CON is the opposite of PRO, is CONGRESS the opposite of PROGRESS?
If flying is SO SAFE, why do they call the airport theTERMINAL?
Now if THAT doesn't make you proud to live in the greatest country in the whole dang world, or AT LEAST turn your frown upside down...better check your pulse, and then call the EMT's...(or perhaps the pizza guy instead).
Have a SAFE weekend.
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