Time again for more of those "other side of life" things...the ones that get you scratchin' the old noggin' wondering when the world turned so topsy-turvey and not JUST because (saint) Oprah said so either...LOL. -For The Record Books:
If there is ONE universal constant, it's that people WILL do things...they'll do stupid things...and they'll do them in abundance and with an ever-increasing diversity.
Then there are those that swim against this tide, and sometimes, not even by their own volition.
One such man is Matthew McKnight of Connellsville, PA, who NOW holds the Guinness WORLD RECORD for the GREATEST DISTANCE THROWN IN A CAR ACCIDENT!
(kids...do NOT try this at home)
Funny thing is, he only discovered this a MONTH ago. His accident occurred SIX years ago when he was struck by a drunk driver doing 70 MPH along Interstate 376 in Monroeville, PA. Seems someone was keeping tabs of things like this, and well, you know the rest. For his pains (which were many and severe), McKnight became the world record holder in 2003 with a distance of 118 ft (equal to a 10 story building).
McKnight, who was not even expected to WALK again, is a paramedic and volunteer firefighter in Fayette County, PA. He has since healed, walks without a limp and is STILL on the job. I would wager he will hold that record for QUITE some time.
Amazing.
--Two Ft. Wayne Gunmen At It Again:
A South side Dairy Queen is the latest in a string of armed robberies to plague MY part of town. There was a curious "twist" to this robbery though...the gun one of the (two) men displayed had a BRIGHT ORANGE TIP on it. Now unless you've been away in Tibet for the last decade, you KNOW what this means.The DQ was robbed with a TOY gun (an airsoft pistol to be exact, most likely bought at a local K-Mart or sporting goods store), and I for one would have totally ENJOYED pummeling this perp with a very large baseball bat while explaining to him what REAL intimidation is all about!
I own a few airsoft weapons (read fake guns), and I will proudly state that I am quite adept at removing that orange coloring on the tip (years of model building and hobby experience DOES pay off), so it WILL look real. Then again, I , unlike most of you, have to chase mooks off MY lawn after midnight from time to time, so a good bluff is better then none. And they don't know IF my "toy" is real of not (my REAL pistol is in the hip pocket, just in case these perps don't play "poker").
I have to say it's worked damn well, too...along with that huge million candlepower spotlight. Reminds me of deer in your headlights at night. It is fun to watch them scatter like roaches under a fridge when the light comes on.
So bring your orange-tipped "gun" to MY house and just TRY to rob ME. You won't get any gold OR silver...but you might receive some LEAD.
--It's a "Man-Thing":
And I'm not referring to the Marvel comic book from the 70s-80s (which was a pretty decent comic)...I'm talking to you guys out there...oh, you know who you are. Ever have one of "those" situations where you find about THREE 2 liter bottles of soda in the fridge...and they're ALL almost empty? And they're ALL different flavors.
What's a guy to do?
Well, I know what I usually do; I empty all of them into ONE glass, and no matter WHAT combination of sodas I mix, it always seems to come out tasting close to DR. PEPPER.
Man, is that nuts or what?
(and I really love Dr. Pepper, as does Forrest, Forrest Gump)
Now fess up...the rest of you do it too. I can't be the ONLY one that does it. It makes good sense. It clears out the shelf in the fridge, AND quenches your immediate thirst.
Think of it as a man's way of "optimization of existing resources and available space"!
There used to be a time (when you were young) when you drank straight from some container in there too, wasn't there? It might have been juice...or milk..or even water. But you had to watch out for the "backsplash" there as that's when what's IN your mouth winds up back in the bottle of "whatever". And let's face it, neither mom, dad, the kids, or even the wife likes to see crumbs in their milk before THEY have a chance to dunk their Oreos.
Believe it...or Else!
4 comments:
I have been drinking out of the jug since I was one and a half and haven't stopped yet.
*counts the number of times I have heard "Dammit Junior get a glass!" in my lifetime.*
The trick to avoiding back washing is to slowly use your tounge to create a reverse thrust on the fluid being poured out at the same time releasing the docking clamp of your lips on the mouth of the bottle and there fore creating a temporary vacuum between your mouth the fluid and the bottle all while rotating each object at a four degree angle so as to achieve optimum separation and least contamination of either object and enjoying the refreshing fluid all at the same time.
Oh what a feeling!
See...there 'ya go.
That explains it...I never TOOK Physics or Chemical Engineering...only Ballistics and Philosophy.
I will admit to doing it ONCE in a blue moon, and ONLY with something I ALONE will drink.
There is a certain sense of accomplishment you get when you squirt a mouthful of hershey's syrup in your mouth, add milk and swish it around a bit, eh?
;)
B.G.
(it's harder to make a martini that way...trust me)
Why waste your time with the Air Soft pistol? You never know when that second or two it takes for you to reach into your pocket may be your last...
I know, Jeff...someone "might" call MY bluff.
Let's hope that doesn't occur.
But I've got a paintball marker pistol in the works to "reaching out and tagging someone" at distance.
Still, late at night when these mooks are brawling with fists, a spotlight and a "tweaked" airsoft gun looks pretty damn real (even an FWPD captain said as much - and I take that as a compliment)...at least until I get a TAC-LIGHT for my 12 gauge.
B.G.
("shiik...shiik" anyone?)
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