09 January 2008
Tales From The South Side...
We should make THIS a weekly anthology series on the SCI-FI channel....it does make the Twilight Zone appear tame by comparison...most days.
Take for example the white trash perp down the corner of the block who hasn't held ANY form of gainful employment in over TEN years, and looks like some neanderthal reject, but manages to meander around the neighborhood doing "odd jobs", such as de-limbing a tree (and sawing through the power cable for the cherry-picker).
Or how about his "curbside auto repair"? Just pull up, and either wait or drop the car there..come back in a day or two, and voila...you're back on the road again. Yessir...the ODDER the job, the better. This guy knows it all (so HE thinks), and if he can't fix your problem, he'll find someone to steal something that will. That explains all the break-ins we seem to have around here, but without proof out the ass, no one takes you seriously.
I figured he MUST have been a "stunt driver" for Joie Chitwood, because he's gone down the street BACKWARDS at over 30 MPH in his old Honda CRX on many a day. Well, he HAS had 4 DUIs (in as many years) that tossed him in jail. Luckily for us, the court system, in it's infinite wisdom (read stupidity) keeps letting him the hell back out. And to think he walked around at Christmas time wearing his fake Indiana Jones hat with a SANTA hat over top of it. Yeah, he's THAT retarded. At least he DID have a shirt on.
I'd wager SOME insurance company (or the federal government) would love to catch this guy working, because he's otherwise a LEECH on society's ass, as are ALL of his cronies. And he's sucking YOUR blood (money). Then again, MOST of you don't live in areas that ALLOW for such behavior like this...right?
But this IS Ft. Wayne.
If there is ONE GOOD THING about having a chronic loser like him around, it's that his MUGSHOTS make such neat TARGETS for my BB pistols. Nothing brings a smile to MY face faster than to pump a bunch of holes in his ugly face...all in the privacy of my own basement.
Now THAT'S entertainment...none of that hi-tech crap needed here...nosiree!
Funny thing about him...he finally pleaded guilty on a criminal trespass charge and a citizen's arrest back in September, to which I was an eye witness, so my subpoena's been recalled, and I don't get to walk into the courtroom (today) looking like NEO from the MATRIX while doing my best ATTICUS FINCH impression...damn! And here I was looking forward to making him the headliner for the judicial smackdown of the day and watching him sweat (the closest he'd be to a shower in quite a while). Guess I managed to intimidate HIM by referring to one of my Tom Petty song: "Won't Back Down".
God, how I LOVE the "classics".
Yet, as disgusting as THIS guy is, he doesn't hold a candle (nor a bar of soap most days) to the druggies we have around here.
When you need drugs...look for a new, 4 door silver Durango, tag number QC 1893, driven by a young black male with a thin moustache. He'll "get you right" ASAP. And he's around SO often, there's hardly a long wait at all. Hell, just stand on any corner, look suspicious enough and SOMEONE will hand you SOMETHING illegal soon enough. That's a given. Just don't be out walking after the sun goes down...then you get mugged. Oh, and a good day to come DOWN here is between the 12th -15th of ANY month.
That has to be when the "goods" arrive in Ft. Wayne. Or you could ask the prosecutor when the stuff comes to town (uh...you didn't hear me say that). At least traffic picks up curiously enough every month at that time. Damn shame Vice/Narcotics can't seem to notice this, even AFTER I told them about this...for several years. After all, THEY get paid the big bucks to KNOW this stuff, right? If anything, they should be telling US...not the other way around.
But this IS Ft. Wayne.
Loud music? Not a problem down here...we've got puh-lenty to go around. Ad if you want to see the latest in auto "detailing", look no further. We've got PINK and CHROME Monte Carlos down here, along with Jeep Cherokees painted like a PEPSI can or a MONOPOLY board. Take your pick. And you ain't winnin', if the wheels ain't spinnin' (when you're stopped).
By the way, if you have a blown out headlight you've been meaning to fix...save your money and drive down here...no one seems to get pulled over for THAT. Ditto for license plates. Hang it anywhere, cover it with a RED plastic cover, shove it inside the overly-tinted rear window...makes no nevermind. You CAN get away with that for YEARS..trust me, I've seen it!
With tomorrow being our TRASH day, it gets me thinking...why doesn't Serv-All pick up all THESE PEOPLE along with the REST of the trash? Do THEY need to be bundled in 3 foot segments and placed in supplied bins next to the house at the curb or alley?
Damn...I was hoping otherwise.
Oh yeah...it's like the being in the NAVY down here...it IS an adventure.
Like the USAF...I always "AIM HIGH" (on the FIRST shot).
And I AM...an Army of One (all the other neighbors moved out of town).
So it's SEMPER FI (Marines) and SEMPER PARATUS (Coast Guard)...every day.
That about covers everyone.
After all...it IS Fort Wayne.
Now...drop and give me twenty!
Posted by Bob G. at 08:23