The Lowdown on Groundhog Day...

Ok, so we already KNOW that Punxatawney Phill saw his shadow today, fortelling the "fact" that we're going to be having another SIX WEEKS of winter. They even quoted CHEKOV...and I thought: "cool...star trek". Sorry it was ANTON, not Pavel (damn)!
Well who the hell WOULDN'T see his shadow with enough LIGHTING to fully illuminate the Superbowl Stadium in Arizona?
Cripes almighty, I'm surprised the damn groundhog's retinas weren't burned the hell out! Wonder how we'd perfrom Groundhog's Day THEN?
Imagine a BLIND groundhog....do we do a "proxy" gig? Do we defer to another groundhog? Would we need the Senate and Congress to form some TASK FORCES to look into this?
I'll tell you one thing...these groundhogs are gearing up and they ARE going to be fighting back soon enough. Let 'em all sleep.

Anyway...that's the "official" story.
Now...for the REAL story.
There were MANY "shadow" sightings around the world today, and THEY went UNREPORTED...until NOW!

- President Bush saw his shadow this morning
...and we can expect 6 more weeks of economic stimulus!
- Hillary Clinton saw HER shadow today
...and then realized it was Barack Obama standing next to her.
- Osama Bin Laden saw his shadow today
...and had Al-Queda launch an attack against it.
- Mayor Henry saw his shadow today
...and predicted six more weeks of not meeting the public
- Councilman Tim Pape saw HIS shadow today
...and realized he was being carjacked by 2 southside thugs.
-Three illegal immigrants trying to cross the border saw THEIR shadows today
...Both they AND their shadows were deported back to Mexico.
- Vice President Cheney saw HIS shadow today
...And then shot it by accident.
- Matt Kelty saw his shadow today
...But it was only Kevin Knuth looking for something else that wasn't there.
- QB Tom Brady saw his shadow today
...But it turned out to be the defensive line for the Giants.
- Eli Manning saw his shadow today as well
...and it turned out to be Peyton, asking for some free tickets.
- Britney Spears saw HER shadow today
...And then ran over it...several times.
- Lindsey Lohan saw her shadow today
...And then offered it a drink.
- Paris Hilton saw her shadow today
...And found it IT had as little talent as SHE did.
- Hugh Hefner saw HIS shadow today .
..And then realized that his shadow didn't have 34DDs.
- Keith Richard saw his shadow today
...And was wondering what took death so damn long.

- Finally...I saw my shadow today
...And I named it LAMONT CRANSTON!
(oh, behave)