Thursday Tidbits...

It's another beautiful (and frigid) day on the city's south side, and that means you're relatively SAFE to walk (in) the streets (the sidewalks STILL aren't cleared off...nothing new there)...until 1100 hrs, when all the locals decide to fall out of the sack. Then we start the whole "circle of life" thing all over again. Ahh, I can hear the drums now.

Still, that won't prevent me from bringing you some of my pungent social commentary on the state of affairs in, around, and beyond the Summit City.

- Man Dies In Snowmobile Crash -

An Auburn man suffered blunt force trauma injuries to his chest and died when he struck the handlebars of his snowmobile after it ran into a ditch late Tuesday night. The snowmobile entered the ditch at high speed off of DeKalb County Road 43 near Auburn. Police are still investigating the crash. Evel Kneivel he wasn't. Now one would THINK that riding along AT NIGHT...while snow was falling...on an all white terrain, that some caution would be exercised.

It wasn't.

I can tell you that under those conditions, there is this little "thing" called DEPTH PERCEPTION, as in it goes away REAL fast when the topography has no contrast. You can't see rocks, logs, ditches, and anything else at ground level. And objects you "think" are far are really close (like the side rearview mirrors of a vehicle).

Some people just have to learn the hard way.

- Fort Wayne Raises Water Rates -

Yeah, it's another "stagflationary adjustment", just like the one you'll be getting in your PAYCHECK. What's that you say?

You aren't getting one of those?

Do tell.

Rates will be RISING around 2.8%, and will vary based on location throughout the city. Rates range from a "mere" $547 per residential unit on the SOUTHEAST SIDE of the city (yay...!), to a "generous" $5,440 in the Deer Track Service area (boo...!), so we've got a wide diversity of costs. The fees are paid by developers at the time they complete new areas, OR by property owners in areas newly connecting to City Utilities (sorry all you Aqua Indiana people...welcome to Fort Wayne).

- Mayor (King) Henry Delivers Speech -

Um...I much prefer Henry the V..or King Lear.

Question: If the DEMOCRATS are ALWAYS for the "common man" and seek changes to help HIM , why all the spending INCREASES aimed right AT that common man???

(curiouser and curiouser indeed)

- More People On Food Stamps -

And my wife and I are not two of them. Yessireee, we can blame the economy on this boondoggle, along with a state-driven "outreach" (I thought that was only for evangelists?) for the rise in Indiana residents applying for food stamps. Hell, I can see that much at Scotts every week. They're the people tying up the damn checkout lines while we wait and pay with REAL money from OUR pocket (and not everyone else's money). But I shouldn't hold anything against these people, even if they ARE wearing nice threads, and pushing that overflowing shopping cart to their BRAND NEW SUV. Nah, that's not like me. They "deserve" the food stamps they get. After all, they MUST be poor.

(BWAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha..yeah, right, and I'm the REAL mayor of this city)

- WIlliam F. Buckley Dies -

Other bloggers reported this yesterday (he died Tuesday at the age of 82), and I wanted to toss another 2 cents in regarding this master of the spoken word, but all I can say now is: "Well, there goes the English language..down the crapper".

- And Speaking of Death -

All of northeast Indiana's coroners have completed certification, and are now, FINALLY able to pronounce a dead person...dead. Makes me wonder what KIND of "training" is involved:

Top Ten Signs of a Deceased Person:

10- What a wonderful SMELL you've discovered.

9- They TOLD him to let GO of that dynamite stick.

8- We're going to need a bigger shovel.

7- You DID say there were TWO people in that meth lab, right?

6- Yeah, they ALL look like Keith Richard any more.

5- I have to FIND an ARM to get a PULSE, stupid!

4- Oh look, a body double for Weekend At Bernie's

3- Maybe that telephone pole through his chest is a clue?

2- He's stiff as a board...in more ways than one.

1- You grab his legs..I'll walk back to the house and get the rest of him.

So there you are...some of the macabre, some of the banal, and lots of pithiness to go around. Please use sparingly, as some people might have a reaction to this brand of "medication".

And do drive safely..it's still slicker than snot on a doorknob out there.

(eeewww...did he REALLY say that?)

Hey, you know me.