That Time of Year Again...
Two little words that mean money, sweat, sore muscles, a sense of dread, but perhaps (hopefully) an even greater sense of accomplishment.
YARD WORK!
Yep...something I never really had the opportunity to "enjoy" back in Philly, living in a rowhouse.
OK, maybe we DID have a small patch of grass out front (about a 10'x10' area) that you could cut with a set of electric shears once a month for 3-5 months, but nothing on the scale I currently have on our corner "estate".
Over the years, I've learned more than I care to remember when it comes to doing THIS nasty. And you never learn it all, either.
There's a myriad of fertilizers (one size doesn't fit all in this case), different TYPES of grass (and here I though it was just GREEN), insect pests (the kind that love to munch at the roots and turn that green to brown real fast), and of course...WEEDS.
Now naturally, there is everyone's "favorite"...the DANDELION (which I found out is NOT an effeminate large cat). Every year, I deploy an array of "ordinance" designed to eradicate these buggers...with the usual results; they keep coming back (kinda like the neighbors from hell you can't get rid of...or that creepy relative that can't stay sober).
While MY lawn has the FEWEST weeds, I still have to use the PRE-emergent fertilizer to get them before they pop up (it works when it wants to...which is even more than all our neighbors).
Then I use a knife to dig out those pesky weeds that are immune to herbicides.
I also have a "weed hound" (nice device that pulls the weed out by the root) for the large ones.
Then we apply a POST-emergent fertilizer (being careful to not chemically burn the good grass in the process). And then...we pray we got them all (which we never do).
Now a lot of this toil on MY part COULD have been eliminated IF ONLY other people in our area did likewise as far as weed removal goes. But anyone that knows MY part of town knows that the people around here are ONLY concerned with the GRASS YOU SMOKE...and NOT the grass you have to MOW (unless you hear someone say "mo grass...dat's whut we need, dawg"), so that's a lost cause.
When it comes to OTHER people 's lawns, the best way to get rid of THEIR weeds is to call NCE and get the city to CITE THEIR ASS for a violation. That's how MOST lawns are cut around here. Oh, and did I mention that these are the SAME people that having NOTHING TO DO ALL DAMN DAY, EVERY DAY?
Yeah, amazing what a lawn mower, and some MOTIVATION could do...like put a few "Hamiltons" in your Hip-National Bank for that bottle of cheap-ass brandy you been dying to buy. Even THAT is too much to ask of them.
There are a few entrepreneurs around, who shuttle the "community mower" from house to house in the trunk of their new Lincoln, do a half-ass job just so NCE doesn't bust on them (because they're black...and NOT lazy as the day is long). That's the status quo around here anyway.
It all comes down to this: If THEY would mow and cut the weeds down, I wouldn't HAVE any weeds on MY lawn. These people must think that a garden consists of dandelions IN BLOOM (dem flowers sho look nice). Yeah, Bozo, but after they bloom, those seeds blow over onto MY lawn, you jackass! Thanks for nothing.
So it's with this demeanor that I tackle what I HAVE to do...with mixed emotions.
I use an ELECTRIC mower (what carbon footprint?) and an electric weed-whacker, so piss off, Al Gore!
Me and my trusty B&D MM675 say "Bring it On".
I've always preferred electric over gas, simply because the property isn't all THAT huge. I know I'd need a LOT more extension cords to do my buddy's "back 40" up near Harlan!
But when all is said and done, the lawn looks damn nice....and it's a damn shame we can't enjoy it in the manner it was meant to be enjoyed. I say that because when you DO go outside to take in all that you've done to make it look pristine and inviting, some loud mouth baby momma will be shouting at her illegitimate kids, or some alpha male will need to flex his testosterone by thumping his stereo to alert the rest of the tribe to the "po-po" in the area.
Well, it's rewarding to ME, not that it means that much down here. I can say that I'm "leading by example" with the way my wife and I maintain our lawn and garden, but these cretins could care less....they don't OWN anything (except a lot of OUR tax money, which they spend on useless $hit anyway), and can't see or even attempt to appreciate the niceties you attempt to provide (gratis to them).
Hell, they can't even see past their next high!
Well, I plan to keep on doing what I've been doing when it comes to MY lawn and MY property. It's soothing to look out upon a nicely kept yard and garden. And It keeps me from wanting to walk out onto the street and start shooting people that disrespect me and my property.
Yes friends, it's my lawn and garden that is keeping a lot of these folks around here ALIVE. And it would benefit them greatly to KNOW that...
Wow, the power of horticulture...who'da thunk?
Bet they don't teach THAT at any 4-H meeting.