30 December 2008

One Step Forward, and Two Steps Back...
Like anything is life, we suffer setbacks. Many times, it's to learn something we might have overlooked.
Other times, it's God's way of using us for comedy relief.
Still other times, it's to show the insanity that prevails when good people make lousy laws that are enforced on a "maybe today...maybe not" attitude. Fort Wayne's NOISE ordinance SUCKS...plain and simple.
In fact, most every city that has such a law has wasted the taxpayers' money.
--Now before we get into some of the nuts & bolts of this, let's just say that I ALREADY KNOW that the POLICE can't be everywhere all the time.
Funny thing about THAT, is that morons that play LOUD music or sit in front of a house honking their car horns (read ghetto door bell) CAN be.

I've already had ONE instance where the FWPD brought out FIVE cars to my house (including a K-9...nice doggie) because a "neighbor" called to say I was pointing a GUN at them (when they were blasting their car horn at one-thirty in the damn morning...this was a few years back). Frank Gray even did an article on me and the situation (Journal-Gazette: Silence-Seeking Laser Draws Police), so it's known that I don't particularly LIKE disrespectful and annoying people. That's why they deservedly get "the beam".
Curiously enough, this isn't enough to deter such aboriginal behavior. It's that old "short-term memory problem" they all seem to suffer from. If it's not honking horns, it's loud music...or NO muffler..or shouting or gunfire. Basically, these people seem to THRIVE on noise., It provides them an adrenaline rush of some sort, and they're relatively worthless without it (or about as worthless as any lazy-ass welfare-sucking crackhead alcoholic could be, I suppose...maybe more so).
--Case in point:
Last night, around midnight, the asshole across the street (who I've fondly named MIGHTY MOUTH for obvious reasons) had some buck over the house, thumping his Caddy's bass for over five minutes, so I spotlit his primate face and then tossed a few laser pointer beams at him for good measure. THEN, we called the FWPD (44LM). When 2 patrol cars came to check it out, "Mighty Mouth" flagged THEM down and sent them to MY house, and I told wifey we were "going to get a visit" even BEFORE the officers were on scene...I know these people AND I know the police THAT WELL around here (blame it on "training").
I invite the officers in, and they ask the "usual" questions:
1) "Do you live alone?"
2) "Do you have any kids?"
3) "Do you know anything about lasers?"
To which MY responses (after considering some Monty Pythonesque retorts) were (smiling):
1) "Nope...meet the missus."
2) "I wouldn't bring kids up in THIS area...just got two cats".
3) "Sure DO...and HERE they are (produces several laser pointers from pocket)
Hey, wanna to see my MILLION CANDLEPOWER spotlight too?"
Needless to say, I wasn't read the "riot act" (again), and after watching the officers eye scan our living room, replete with die cast POLICE car, my 2-12 inch tall SWAT figures (on the entertainment center), and my PHILLY POLICE and MILITARY PATCHES in frames on the wall, I would say that MY "credibility rating" suddenly became INFINITELY HIGHER than Ms Mighty Mouth's. We also informed the officer that trying to "talk" to her was out of the question, as we've heard her "talk" (read shout) to people before, chase a boy up the street, and otherwise act like an extremely VOLATILE person (must be those booze drop offs she gets every other day to her house, because she's too lazy to go out and get her own), and to even approach her in a civil manner, would result in her blatant stupidity being heard for blocks.
The officers said we should just call the front desk with further noise problems (almost forgot...as the one officer left, I shook his hand and told him "stay safe out there"...sorry, force of habit) and not shine lasers or lights on them (must be so photo-sensitive with those drug-dilated pupils...lol).
And therein really DOES lie my PROBLEM...
This has become one of the best case Catch-22's I've seen in many a year.
Now follow me on this one.
Got a loud car...call the police, right?
OK, dispatch assigns a car, BUT...the call itself is such a LOW PRIORITY that you'd be lucky to see a response within 40 minutes, and I DO mean LUCKY (unless it's a boring night, which NEVER seems to happen down here).
So, by the time the cruiser rolls up, the offender is most likely LONG gone, so the police list the call as an "unfounded". They leave.
And when the next loud ass pulls up, we get to start the WHOLE thing over again.
Much the same can be said for Phil Marx's drug/vandalism/gun problems in HIS neighborhood.
Police are called, people scatter, police leave, people come back...and around we go AGAIN, people.
The Merry-Go-Round NEVER seems to stop.
And that is the MAJOR flaw with any noise ordinance; UN-ENFORCEABILITY.
Most often, the police have to WITNESS the violation firsthand. Simple, huh?
Considering we have NO officers that live (or would CHOOSE to live around here, given the current state of affairs) in MY area, that point is rendered marvelously moot.
Then again, if we had more PATROLS, the noise would be abated somewhat.
But the city is too busy having officers go from call to call to call.
It's a far cry from decades past, believe you me.
But never fear...I still have my slingshot, paintball pistol, and blowgun (heh, heh, heh).
--Lastly, for those of you following the homicide pool (at work or at play), the number is now OFFICIALLY TWENTY SIX for the year (with 2 days to go). SO it even EXCEEDED my predictions (then again, I, like many pollsters, tend to have an error margin of + or - 2%).
Don't really know WHY it takes TOXICOLOGY so long to render decisions in this state...makes the coroner's release of info timely (in a bad way, as in way too long), and many forget after a while about the stats, apparently. Rumor has it that the state has a 6-month backlog for toxicology results...could be more. Maybe that's why cases get arbitrarily tossed...can't say much about a SPEEDY trial when people are dragging their heels, can we?
But hey, it's still the "Heartland of America"....what more could we want (other than a decent night's sleep once every blue moon)?


Murphy said...

Wow. 'Man with a gun' call, huh.

Other than pre-emptive calls for noise complaints in an attempt to time it right, I seem to remember reading a few articles about this new non-lethal noise weapon recently...

Bob G. said...

You're talking LRAD....pretty cool technology.
I would LOVE to secure one of those buggers for OUR bunker...I mean HOUSE!

Can't wait for our neighborhood's version of TET (T minus TWO days).

Makes me wanna get a hold of a surplus 106 MM recoiless rifle for the front lawn...as a "garden planter"...LOL!

Carry On.

Phil Marx said...

Bunker? Come on Bob, at least you still have windows! :)

And I was thinking, it's probably a good thing that you didn't get that police visit when I was there at your house. Seeing the two of us together might make them start to worry. Actually, it would probably only worry the upper level FWPD (mis)management team. The patrol officers would probably get a kick out of it.