Friday Follies...
Some days you just wonder HOW you manage to make from one week to the next.
But here we are...another weekend.
So let's have at it.
(Caution: If there are any workers from an auto maker present, you might want to have them leave the room)
I miss the GOOD OLD DAYS when it comes to cars...I really do.
You could tell something was wrong by the SOUND it made...or the smoke billowing from the exhaust, or the manner in which it hesitated while driving. And that was about it.
Today, we've got TOO MUCH computer crap onboard every damn vehicle made.
We have "idiot lights" telling us what to do, when to do it, and what the car "thinks" might be wrong.
I remember days when the only lights on the instrument panel were ALT, ENG, and perhaps the word HOT.
The ALT light meant you had an alternator problem, and that the car was running on the BATTERY. The ENG light told you the car was starting (or crapping out when running), and the HOT light was obvious...a boilover.
Other than that...you had a "highbeam" light when they were engaged. And maybe you had an OIL light (low oil pressure).
And THOSE problems were easily addressed (and resolved)...for a LOT LESS MONEY than today, that's for sure.
These days, we don't take the old car to a "mechanic" in the truest sense of the word...they're more like COMPUTER DIAGNOSTICIANS...who can handle a few wrenches, and know how to work the lifts in the repair bays.
We can thank the car companies for this predicament.
THEY were the ones that felt the "need" to have a computer monitor engine functions a hundred times every second. THEY were the ones that engineered electrical systems SO damn complex, you need a damn degree from M.I.T. to figure them out. And THEY were the ones that shoved it at us for a lot MORE money.
And we all pretty much sucked it up, marveling at the technological "advances" we made along the way.
Trouble is, during all that time, our fuel economy didn't get that much better.
But at least we had a computer that TOLD us when to change the oil...
No longer were WE, the drivers in control of our vehicles to the extent we USED to be.
Time was, when you had "car trouble", you could STILL limp the vehicle to your (real) mechanic and get the problem solved, as those cars were a lot more "bullet-proof" than today's overpriced, over engineered tinfoil-mobiles.
I once had a busted water pump, and I still managed to drive the damn thing, (with the radiator cap off and the heat on FULL) to my mechanic...but that was a 1968 Buick...a far cry from the technological crapsters we're all driving today.
Nowadays, if there is so much as a SENSOR going bad, the car doesn't want to move, stalls at every opportunity, and basically gets you in the mood to want to:
a) pull your hair out
b) crash the damn car into a wall
c) trade the SOB the hell in ASAP
d) scream bloody murder
e) all of the above
Now, you have to admit that you've got way too much to fret about while driving (we have a lot more dumbasses behind a lot more wheels), without having to wonder *IF* the vehicle you're rolling about town in, will actually GET you from *A* to *B*.
Sure, you can dismiss the whole thing, and then stand there alongside the car when it craps out wondering WTH went wrong. I've seen too many folks that are of the "get in and go" persuasion...
They think with all that tech under the hood, nothing will go wrong...(yeah right).
Murphy has a "rule book" for CARS and DRIVING as well as his "laws for combat and life"...trust me.
When vehicles that weigh about 2800 lbs and cost over $20K can be disabled at the drop of hat (thanks to the failure of some dipshit $4 part) it's time to SERIOUSLY think about dialing BACK some (if not all) of this technology.
People DEPEND on their cars. We're a motoring society. We've been effectively weaned from the teat of public transit (urban and inter-urban) for decades, thanks to an ever-growing system of highways, and that's not such a bad thing...
As LONG as the vehicles we drive ALONG those highways FUNCTION properly a lot more OFTEN than they usually do.
Now, I could go all "conspiracy-theory",and claim it's just another "plot" by some faction of the government (in cahoots with the UAW and car makers) to further our dependency on our personal transportation, by playing on our love of the automobile.
And in some ways, that DOES make sense.
THEY have US over the barrel, as it were.
We NEED personal transportation...even if it's not "as safe" as public transit (or as available).
But, for the love of GOD...make the damn cars to run without all this computer-aided shit on board, OK?
I have PLENTY of computer woes with our desktop CPUs to keep by blood pressure higher than normal as it IS...I sure as hell don't need ANY more problems with the "electronic brain" under the hood of our damn cars, glaring at me with some cryptic code that means some POS part from CHINA decided to pack it up and move on to the afterlife.
I don't NEED to have every system monitored...that's MY job as the OPERATOR of the vehicle. I can HEAR what's going on...I can SEE if there's any problem, and I certainly can "FEEL" if the vehicle is handling or running weird.
OK, so maybe I don't do all that 100 times A SECOND, but if something's WRONG under the hood, 100 times, or 1000 times a second isn't going to change that one damn bit.
Case in point...used to be a time when you broke a fan belt, you just dug out the old pair of PANTYHOSE you kept in the glove box (from a one night grab 'n grope session, that was never reclaimed by their former owner) tied it around the pulley, and that got you to a service area for a replacement.
Today, many cars DO NOT HAVE fan belts for the radiators...it's an ELECTRIC fan. Now "suppose" that fan craps out...what happens?
That pantyhose ain't worth a damn is it? There's NO pulley...the fan is not driven by the engine any longer.
And since you don't have an electrical engineering degree from Cal Tech, you just get to watch the radiator boil the f$ck over.
Or call for a hook...as we all pretty much HAVE to do these days.
Sorry, but somehow, that kind of takes a lot of the "fun" out of getting behind the wheel, not that there's all that much anyway.
Still, I, like my dad, used to LOVE to drive, even though it was (as he used to say) like a SECOND JOB...paying attention that is.
Today, I'm more than a little reluctant to turn that key...wondering WHICH light will decide to come on...and for no good reason. Or perhaps NO LIGHT will come on, and the car will drive funny...you can't seem to catch a break EITHER way.
Oh, and BTW...wifey's got car problems again.
(guess you couldn't tell, huh?)
Yes friends, when it comes to America's love of the automobile...SIMPLER IS BETTER. Always has been, always will be.
And maybe that's why we have SO many people who cherish those horseless carriages of years long past.
They were a LOT simpler...to drive AND to maintain.
Yeah...a simpler time...a lot less complex time.
Dad used to like that.
And it's only fitting that I should bring up my Dad...today is his birthday. He would have been 88, had he not passed on back in 1978.
He really did love driving...and he loved the simplicity of older cars. And he had a REAL mechanic to tend to them.
Maybe THAT is the reason I'm hanging onto my old Pontiac.
Sure, that car has a computer on board, but it's like the bygone days of automotive technology.
It's a simpler computer.
We have calculators today that are smarter than the computer under the hood of my car, but that's fine.
Dumb cars are great to drive.
It's when we get the dumb DRIVERS that problems arise.
And maybe that's why we have all those technological "marvels" telling us what to do when a light comes on.
After all, Dad didn't call them IDIOT LIGHTS for no reason, did he?
Happy Birthday, Dad...still miss 'ya, but you'll be happy to know I'm a LOT more like you these days.
To everyone else...have a great weekend, happy motoring, and...
Stay safe out there, America.