Monday Musings...
Every year here in Fort Wayne, the newspapers publish a list of the "Reader's Picks" for the BEST OF EVERYTHING...
I kinda like to see that sort of stuff..
Healthy competition within the realm of capitalism is what MADE this nation.
And all the winners must truly deserve the kudos they receive.
Here's is the WEBSITE where you can see ALL the 2010 winners:
http://fwnextweb1.fortwayne.com/oas_ads/Readers2010/index.php
Like I say, that's all well and good.
BUT... (ruh, roh, Reorge)
I did NOT see ONE, SINGLE mention to anything on the SOUTH (East) part of town...you know, the "ghettohood".
Nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch, bupkis!
Hell, we didn't even get a 3rd place mention for WINGS or RIBS...come ON, now.
(There were TWO mentions for places on the SOUTHWEST part of the city, however.)
And all the winning categories in the paper's supplement include things WE (still) have down here, even IF they're robbed or otherwise burglarized on a regular basis.
So, it looks like it's up to ME to provide you, my faithful readers with MY (personal) picks for the "BEST OF" regarding the SOUTH (East) side of our fair city, complete with "specialized categories" indigenous ONLY to my part of Fort Wayne.
Now, then, without any further ado...let's have at it, shall we?
Please take note, first - Most everyone down here (EXCLUDING yours truly, his wife, and a few holdouts) cannot even frigging READ, so the whole "reader's pick" gig IS sorta pointless, right?
Here we go:
THE BEST OF FORT WAYNE - SOUTH SIDE EDITION
-- BEST place for fast food:
Burger King - Southgate Plaza. And if you're LUCKY, you get to see a fight break out WHILE you're eating.
-- BEST place to steal a car:
Most ANY street from Hessen Cassel to Lafayette (E/W) and Jefferson Ave to Lower Huntingdon Rd (N/S).
(Honorable mention - the parking lots at K-Mart, and Wal-Mart)
-- BEST place to get "shot":
Rudisill Ave. OR McKinnie St, between South Anthony Blvd and Clinton St.
(Honroable mention - Eden Green apartments - RIGHT across the street from the POLICE STATION)
-- BEST Intersection to just "hang out" in:
ANY intersection that the police don't patrol regularly.
-- BEST boomcar paint job:
The MONOPOLY graphic laden Grand Cherokee (sadly that vehicle is no longer around)
(Honorable mention: The metallic PINK and SILVER 1987 Monte Carlo - with huge graphics on the side that say MONTE CARLO.)



-- BEST Ghetto-ride:









The Cadillac Escalade (purchased with drug money, no doubt and worth TWICE the price of ANY hovel nearby) - ANY year will do, as long as the stereo can wake the dead.
(Honorable mention - Hummer 2 or ANY ex-police car, even WITH the spotlights attached)
-- BEST way to have the police arrest you:
Move near me and deal drugs.
(Honorable mention - beat the _______ {fill in the blank} as soon as you get up!)
-- BEST Rib Place:
Almost ANY front yard during the summer - look for the 55 gallon drums cut in half, and follow the smell.
-- BEST Music in the ghettohood:
ANYTHING coming from MY stereo - EVERYTHING ELSE is (c)rap!
-- BEST Liquor Store:
ANY store where the owner doesn't have a gun...and the perp DOES.
-- BEST place for car parts:
Demarkus's garage..or was that Jamal's?
(honorable mention - ANY back yard with five or more auto carcasses)
-- BEST display of overgrown foliage:
Most ANY alley on the south side.
(Honorable mention - any vacant house)
-- BEST neighborhood "watchdog":
That would be MY house.
(Honorable mention - Any other concerned citizen...all 5 of them)
-- BEST way to get the police to your street:
Mention seeing a WEAPON - that can bring UP TO FIVE cars (and a K-9 unit)
-- BEST display of rude behavior:
Most ANY of my "neighbors".
(honorable mention - everyone else's neighbors)
-- BEST place to drive a boomcar:
EVERYWHERE on the South Side - the noise ordinance means little.
-- BEST restaurant for fine dining:
Usually MY house...on a SUNDAY during the holidays!
-- BEST place to hear gunfire:
Most ANY neighborhood on the south side, especially during New Year's Eve, or a gang retaliation "hit".
-- BEST place to watch fireworks:
Your OWN backyard, because all the welfare rats that don't work MANAGE to get a few HUNDRED BUCKS WORTH of ordnance that would do the U.S. ARMY proud...and shoot them off right OVER your house - it goes on for about THREE WEEKS. Suh-weet.
-- BEST Way to hear the police coming:
The latest APP for your cell-phone, or a "friend" that has a scanner and calls you SECONDS after a call goes into dispatch, so you can leave the area ASAP.
-- BEST FWPD Dispatcher:
That would be DEREK - very polite AND professional. After a while, you get to know them ALL on a first-name basis. Ditto for the shift officers.
-- BEST Shooting Range:
Your front steps when someone tries to break in.
(Honorable mention - H&H Firearms on Directors Way..or your BACK steps)
-- BEST place to fence stolen items for drug money:
Matt Fuller's house at the end of my block - he'll do anything (including selling that recently "liberated" golf cart) for a beer & a few bucks.
-- BEST place for unprotected sex with a stranger:
ANY overgrown alley that will easily hide your vehicle, so that makes for LOTSA places the police don't check.
-- BEST place to make a drug deal:
The middle of the street.

-- BEST place take a walk with the children:
The middle of the street.
-- BEST place to play basketball:
The middle of the street.
-- BEST place to play football:
The middle of the street.
-- BEST place to stagger along after that last fix:
The middle of the street.
-- BEST place to ride a MOPED:
ON the SIDEWALKS!
-- BEST place to bring up a family:
Damn near ANYWHERE ELSE!!!
And there you have it.
I know I must have missed a category or two, but you can see, there IS so much to cover down here. It's a work-in-progress.
All the media had to do was LOOK...seems simple enough, eh?
Do have yourselves a great week.
Be well, make a difference to someone, and...
Stay safe out there, America.