22 December 2010

'Twas The Humpday Before Christmas...
And wouldn't you know it...we've got a plate full of "stuff" to ponder today.
Not the least of which is the weather.
-More rain out in California...really nice if you're a damn DUCK!
Not nice if you're a homeowner, though.
And I never thought I'd see Rodeo Drive look more like a LAKE than dry land.
Naturally, this is causing concern for our Border Patrol out there.
Here's the skinny on this situation:
http://www.cbs8.com/Global/story.asp?S=13720413
But wait...there's more.
-The East coast is suffering a deep freeze.
-And we here in America's "heartland" are being hit with cold temps, and snow storms that have already killed a dozen or so people.
-In Britain, due to snow, they've closed Heathrow airport..
-The "Net Neutrality" rules were slipped past us as well...looks like the FCC is more powerful than our Supreme Court.
Still, it could be worse...just not by much, hmm?
*** How about THIS to get your day going?
(( Tot’s body found in home
Mom admits killing boy in ’09 over tantrums, police say
))
Here's the link to this story:
http://www.journalgazette.net/article/20101222/LOCAL07/312229987
Personally, I think this is monstrous, AND it could wind up as out 29th homicide (unless they tack it on to LAST year's totals).
With ALL the available assistance out there, and this "mother" does THIS?
Gimme a break.
*** And, there's more on the PAS from Monday.
Here's the link to THIS story:
http://www.wane.com/dpp/news/local/Man-killed-in-police-action-shooting
The victim's fiance is saying ONE thing, and the police another.
Currently, there are THREE separate investigations ongoing, one being conducted by the ISP.
*** And now...for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...
(A government TOO BIG? You decide)
This Just In...
Santa Claus (the REAL one) has been arrested under the USA Patriot Act II after people reported a heavily bearded man flying in a "sleigh" last night around the rooftops of Washington DC suburban neighborhoods, 3 miles from the White House. This a violation of governmental airspace in or near the nation's capital.
Although two F-16s were scrambled to intercept, they did not engage this "bogey", but escorted it back to Andrews AFB, where Mr. Claus was placed in custody.
--Mr. Claus is currently being held at an undisclosed maxsec detention center somewhere near Quantico, Virginia, until his true nationality can be verified. An undisclosed source said in a confidential interview that they had heard this man was "making a list", and supposedly checking it TWICE. Whether or not this was a basis for a terrorist cell investigation remains to be seen.
--While NSA operatives found NO weapons of mass destruction on board Mr Claus's "sleigh", they DID find the aforementioned list while conducting a search of Mr. Claus's "aircraft" (which is rumored to be headed to Area 51 for further study early next month). On the list were found names (from every country) in two columns, labelled NAUGHTY and NICE.

If this is a "code", the cryptology division of the CIA has yet to decipher it, but the names are nevertheless being cross-checked through AFIS.
--U.S. Attorney general, Eric Holder has stated that "The fact that Mr. Claus is NOT a U.S. national has no bearing on the investigation whatsoever". Unconfirmed reports suggest he will be charged with multiple offenses, including: flying an unlicensed/unregistered/experimental aircraft without a permit in secured American airspace, promoting religious fanaticism through festival symbolism, mass hysteria, and bribery of minors.

The last offense will most surely place Mr. Claus on the National Sex Offender list, due to his alleged "rapport" with children.
--The United States Customs and Border Protection (USCBP) and the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) have also brought charges against Santa Claus. USCBP is also working in conjunction with the IRS, charging him for evading the importation tax law by failing to declare goods (toys) allegedly claimed as 'gifts'.

They are also confiscating these items until their safety can be fully established, due to the recent spate of lead-based paint items coming into this country from CHINA.
The USDA as well as the DNR has referred to the endangered species act and charged him with illegal trafficking of protected animals (reindeer) with failure to license and properly inoculate said animals.
--To add insult to injury, The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) and PETA are suing him for cruelty to the reindeer by forcing wingless animals to fly.

The reindeer are to be quarantined to see if any foreign viruses or pandemics are exhibited by the animals, such as Mad Cow Disease or the Bird flu, as per a directive from the CDC, as well as the World Health Organization.
--The American Psychiatric Association is also claiming damages for the devastating effect his capture and possible incarceration will have on their patients, both young and old, many of whom are being treated because they harbor a profound belief in the (until now) assumed fictional man. It is believed this incident will completely devastate the Psychiatry profession. Major pharmaceutical companies have refused to comment, but on Wall St,. stock futures are being carefully watched.
--The Department of Health, Education, and Welfare is awaiting the outcome before lodging any of it's own formal complaints against Mr.Claus.
--As per his attorney's prepared media statement, Mr. Claus is expected to be released on his own recognisance within the next 48 hours, but will be closely monitored come the 24th and 25th of this month (the time when sightings increase in frequency).
--At that time, both local law-enforcement agencies, as well as Homeland Security will determine whether or not to raise the national threat level, based on the data reviewed. The Pentagon has issued a directive for National Guard units as well as ALL military bases to remain at DEFCON 3 through the first week of 2011.
And that's the rest of the story, friends...
(made 'ya smile...I hope)
Have a great Humpday...do mind the weather.
Be well, make a difference to someone, and...
Stay safe out there, America.

((Remember - only THREE shopping days until Christmas!))

6 comments:

Ann T. said...

Dear Bob,
ROFL!! And poor Santa!!

Although, that first Saint Nicholas is also the patron saint of thieves. . . . just check your local department store . . . or book of Saints.

Hopefully some of those Defcon guys will take their fifteens in my neighborhood. No, no, they're too young for me! Get a grip Ann T.!

Thanks for a laugh on a grey day!
Ann T.

Bob G. said...

Ann:

I've gound that the greyer the day, the greater the need for light-heartedness.

Therein lies today's lesson.

It was my pleasure to make an otherwise mundane day a bit brighter in some small manner.

Thanks for taking some time to hang out at our fence today (mind your step - it's ICY out).

Stay warm out there.

(Hope Miss Ellen isn't getting "cabin fever")

CWMartin said...

Geez, to think when I was a kid and the news bulletins about Santa were Bill Foster breaking in about 9 pm Christmas Eve to say that "the Government announces that the dew line has spotted a bogey travelling south from the North Pole. Children are advised to go directly to bed."

Reminds me that I never have figured out why I grew up.

indy said...

santa claus was way too funny. at least they didnt ship him out to a contracted prison in another country???????????lol perhaps to waterboard him. i know NOT funny.. but considering he is a terrist now? anywho merry christmas bob. i probley wont be on much till christmas eve or day. tell the misses merry christmas too :)

Bob G. said...

CWM:

I remember those "news breaks" as well back in Philly...
(ahh, the good old days)

However, if I were to quote an extremely reliable source, he would simply as the question:

"What's the point of growing up, if you can't be childlike once in a while?"

The quote is from DOCTOR WHO (the 4the doctor - Tom baker)

Never lose that part of you that still wonders...or believes.

And thank you for taking time and stopping by today.

Bob G. said...

Indy:

Santa in Gitmo...can you IMAGINE the fracass THAT would casue???

I'm sure we'll see you during the holidays, but if we don't:

"May your house enjoy every clessing that Christmas holds.
ANd may you never grow up that much where you lose the wonder that Christmas brings."

Thanks for stopping by today. Glad you enjoyed the funnies.