But It's ONLY Human Nature...


I admire those that choose a career in studying humanity with all it's intricacies and nuances...I really do. After all, what line of endeavor can one find oneself getting PAID to wind up laughing at most of mankind's foibles? Granted there are those times when humanity shows it's darker side. The depths of depravity seems to know no limit, especially in times such as we find ourselves in today. Ancient Rome apparently had little if nothing on us, right? They just dealt with it a lot better (and harsher) vis-a-vis a nice "front row seat" at this weekend's games at the Colosseum (bring your friends).
But there still must be those times when these anthropologists (with all those fancy degrees) do get a bit of a giggle. They would if they ever came down to MY part of Fort Wayne.

For example, where else but in our little corner of the mammalian world will you find a person literally make THREE LEFT TURNS just to make ONE RIGHT turn?
But wait, it gets better.
Now be honest, what else states so emphatically that we, as a species are evolving than that 55 gallon drum that's been converted into a makeshift grill...placed right out FRONT of a house (replete with those overly-available cheap-ass $2 resin chairs) next to that 24 pack of empty Bud Lights, hmm? Hey, nothing says "higher property values" more than that, right? And around here, if you want more people walking down the exact middle of the street, by all means, spend some CEDIT money and place MORE SIDEWALKS along those streets. It's like every damn southside street is a frigging carnival midway...all we need are some funnel cake and elephant ear kiosks! Who can deny that robbing a convienience store for lottery tickets, and THEN going back an hour later to "cash in" the winners is anything less than humanity moving UP the food chain? And how about when you feel the need to relieve yourself. Well, you're no farther from the nearest Porta-Potty than some guys garage...or tree...or car. Just unzip, and let 'er rip.

One thing I have to admit is that watching my particular area on a fairly regular basis is much akin to seeing the old Barnum and Bailey Circus come to town...every f$cking day. I mean where ELSE can I see a "freak show" that comes to MY block DAILY, parading past in all it's splendor. OK...so we don't have the "dog-faced boy", the fire-eater, Zippy the Pin-Head, or even a damn bearded lady (although some women DO have damn fine moustaches), but we DO have our share of neighborhood oddities. And I would remiss to not say that MANY people around here walk a tightrope every time they walk the streets (it's called evading the law). The Great Wallenda would love to hear that.

We have a conglomeration of the stylishly-challenged...those mooks that have about a much fashion-sense as that slug I poured salt on the other night. I mean...a lime green SUIT???? Wonder if he got a BANJO with that? Whether it's those sagging pants, sideways-worn ballcaps, bandanas, hoodies (and the hoods wearing them), bare (pregnant) midriffs, and dangling hoop earrings SO large Bart Connor could perform a gold-medal winning routine on them....we have it ALL. And there is never an admission charge! Come one, come all.

We also have those who are challenged in other ways. We have people who don't know that vehicles DO require service from time to time, and will invariably breakdown at or near MY house (must be a convergent nexus of electromagnetic anomalies...or an Indian burial ground). And there's nothing funnier to see several people ALL standing around, scratching their heads while on their cellhpones wondering WHY the damn car won't "work". Reminds me of a Philly construction crew...ONE guy filling the pothole with SEVEN other guys "supervising" (when not doing a coffee run)! Then there are those people that think that their lawns will cut themselves. Well, if you owned some SHEEP, that would be somewhat true. Or if the city came by after citing you and cut the lawn FOR you and billed you for it...that could be considered a form of "self-maintenance"...(just not a COST-EFFECTIVE form).

And we also have people who have empassionately embraced this "communal living" thing. In other words...THEIR house is theirs...and so is YOURS. On any given day (because none of these "circus performers" really attend anything approaching a real job), THEIR kids will be running all over YOUR property. Or better still, all THEIR friends will be coming over to THEIR house (think 2 bedroom bungalow) to use YOUR property for a dump site or a playground for their kids ('cause it's bigger than their place). It's the whole "Dat guy got a nice crib...so let's f$ck widdit to make it look mo like OURS" thing. Well, sorry to tell you people...that dog just ain't gonna hunt. You have YOUR hovel...and I have MY Cape Cod...and never the twain shall meet. Homey the Clown ain't got nothin' on these folks (although having HIM in the area would be a step UP).

Yessir...a FREAK SHOW...every day...for (almost) FREE...It DOES, however cost you in other ways, trust me! Where else but in Fort Wayne?

I know that somewhere though...Robert L. Ripley is smiling...
Believe it...or not.