Betcha Didn't Know This....

It's nice to have a car with gadgets...if you're Batman...or James Bond...or Michael Knight...or even Doc Brown. And you have to admit that THOSE gadgets have a PURPOSE. And I've no gripes with anything of purpose (like taking out the BAD GUYS with four wheels full of "whoop-ass" ). It's when frivolousness commands center stage, that I take exception to. Case in point:

If you were to take a wild guess as to WHAT is being stolen from vehicles in the greatest number, what would that guess be?

Guns? Nope (unless you refer to police confiscation of weapons during a traffic stop on the south side of the city a "theft"). Hats or stuffed animals from the rear deck? Nope again. Children? Heaven forbid (and only if taken by a divorced parent wanting revenge). Tools? Well, maybe, if you leave them in PLAIN SIGHT. Ditto for anything else of value like KEYS, GARAGE DOOR OPENERS, WALLETS, etc (the "duh" factor at work there). And if you left the keys in there, I wouldn't sweat on having JUST the keys stolen (hint - look for a new vehicle).

Would you say CAR STEREOS? God knows I'd LOVE to have someone steal a crapload of them out of every single vehicle in a 5 block radius of MY house...then maybe I could get a GOOD night's sleep for a change. But you'd still be incorrect.

Not the #1 answer, but maybe #2.

If you said AIRBAGS, you're on the right track. An airbag (aftermarket) can command a few hundred (quick) bucks for the thief looking to unload one of these buggers to a chopshop. And they'll cost YOU close to $2000 to replace...go figure. But again...you'd be incorrect.

Would you say MP3 or DVD players? Well, you're getting warmer. Now I don't know about YOU, but as for a DVD player w/ LCD screen in my car because someone with me wants to watch a damn MOVIE??? WTH is wrong with you people anyway? You want to watch a movie? Go to a damn THEATER..or better yet..STAY THE HELL HOME (and off MY streets)! By the way, you're still incorrect.

And forget alarm systems...that's SO passe'. No one bothers with stealing them; they're too busy defeating them to swipe them. A hidden "kill switch" works wonders and is a lot cheaper. Lojack is you best bet if you've got the cash to shell out.

Now...if you said GLOBAL POSITIONING SYSTEMS...go to the head of the class!

(with a nice shiny gold star..and a cookie)!

Many cars today come with a integrated GPS system w/monitor to let you KNOW where the f$ck you're at. That's EASY...I'm in the front seat of MY DAMN CAR, (hopefully) behind the wheel, going from *A* to *B*, moron! I don't need a "device" to tell me where I'm at, or what route to take. That's what God gave me a brain for.

I do something a LOT less costly...I know how to READ A MAP!

And I know how to ask for directions, although I cannot for the life of me recall the LAST time I had to do so. I'm one of those people that just cannot seem to honestly "get lost" (no matter HOW many people tell me to do so). Must be all that "tracker" training kicking in, I guess.

Let's see now...Sun comes up in the EAST...sets in the WEST. Got that down. I'm headed perpendicular to the sun, which is behind me going from right to left...Hey, I'm headed freaking NORTH...imagine that! It doesn't get ANY more easier than that, people! If you do have a car with a GPS system, be advised...someone IS noticing your vehicle, and probably wondering to themselves how the hell to get what is YOURS to become THEIRS!

Better yet, when shopping for a NEW car, tell the dealer you "don't need no steenkin' GPS" add-on BS wrecking the fuel mileage. And if he says "all cars come with it", tell HIM to shove the GPS...and THEN let him tell you where he's currently at! Be funny as hell to hear his ass saying "turn left at the next corner"...wouldn't it?

And for those people with absolutely NO sense of self-worth, we have vehicles that come with mini-refrigerators and/or mini-warmers. Nothing says "lazier than hell" than having to chill one's beverage or warm one's coffee (while driving). Actually, it's not so much lazy as it is STUPID. Remember the hot coffee in the lap scenario? (ouch)

We're hearing more and more about people being "distracted" while driving...as if being on the road with ALL the idiots to whom the BMV saw fit (enough) to issue a license to isn't bad enough. Seems people won't be happy until cars become totally self-driving...and that's on the horizon, rest assured. I wonder what or who we can blame all the highway mishaps on THEN?

(my car's computer was texting the car behind me while surfing the internet and doing my taxes)

Sorry, I like to practice something called PAYING THE HELL ATTENTION. And I enjoy driving (preferably with as few other people out there as is possible), and I like NOT having all the "bells and whistles" almost all other Americans seemingly cannot do without.

Funny thing...all that tech comes with a price. It either costs a bundle, or robs the vehicle of fuel economy, either by weight alone, or by usage ('cause you never get something for nothing as far as energy is concerned, unless you have harnessed the power of a self-sustaining nuclear furnace and placed it under the hood...CAUTION: sunblock won't help all that much).

So be smart and play it safe...the life you save might be YOUR OWN.

Don't give criminals a place to play - lose the GPS...

...(or carry a pocket one if you're THAT lost).