20 November 2008

Believe It...Or ELSE...
Yes friends, time once again for more of the things you read about and then go "WTF???".
And it's times like this we're glad we're in a lot better state than those you're reading about.
**In Case You Were considering This Department:
Seems that sexism is STILL rampant in the workplace, regardless of what sex you MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
Recent research in the Journal of Economic Analysis and Policy sheds light on the thorny social issue of why females continue to earn less money than males, even in similar jobs. Competing hypotheses have been advanced: It's either gender discrimination or simply that more women than men de-emphasize career aggressiveness in favor of family.
The recent research suggests discrimination. Researchers found that females who were established in jobs and who then underwent sex changes actually increased their earnings slightly, but that males who became females lost about one-third of their earning power, according to an October summary of the research in Time magazine.
So you might want to think twice before making that BIG "career change".
** The Make Up Your Mind Department:
Meleanie Hain's Pennsylvania CONCEALED-weapons permit was revoked in September after spectators complained about her OPENLY carrying her loaded, holstered Glock at her 5-year-old daughter's soccer game.
However, the only penalty under state law is the loss of the privilege of concealment, so that if Hain continues to carry the gun, she must do so OPENLY. -Times Leader (Wilkes Barre)
**The Devil made Me Do It Department:
The chairman of a Nigerian development company was charged in August with stealing what is now the equivalent of $5.5 million, and burning $2 million of that in cash so he could smear the ashes over his naked body in a nighttime "fortification" ritual in a cemetery. Daily Telegraph (London),
**Slippery When Wet Department:
Camel-wrestling is a winter celebration in Turkey, but the summers are (and have been for 650 years) for Kirkpinar, the country's oil-wrestling celebration and tournament, during which a thousand men, slathering on two tons of olive oil, fight matches until one man earns the solid-gold title belt. Several months of regional tournaments lead up to Kirkpinar, which, incidentally, has recently experienced the same doping controversies as mainstream world sports.
** Rednecks Are Everywhere Department:
A 21-year-old woman was arrested in Hamilton, New Zealand, in October after she allegedly kicked in the door of her ex-boyfriend's home, then assaulted him because of a custody dispute between the couple over their pet possum.
**It SEEMED Like a GOOD Idea Department:
Why does a Yugo have a defroster on the rear window?
To keep your hands warm while you push it.
That's just one of the "Yugo jokes" about the cheap and much-maligned subcompact that won notoriety for being one of the worst cars ever exported to the United States.
Now, the last Yugo, once the pride of communist Yugoslavia's automobile industry, will roll off its Serbian production line Thursday in the central town of Kragujevac.
It will be missed here — but probably not in America.
Soon after it hit the U.S. markets in 1986, selling for the bargain-basement price of just $3,990, the boxy Yugo was derided by American car magazines "as barely qualifying as a car" and "an assembled bag of nuts and bolts."
Although it was a flop in the U.S., Yugo enjoyed iconic status in the former Yugoslav republics — something like the Volkswagen Beetle in West Germany or the Trabant in East Germany.
It was also exported to East European states, but not in the same numbers as to the U.S. mostly because Zastava could not meet huge domestic demand.
In America, owners complained of frequent engine failures and transmission problems — with the manual gear sticks sometimes detaching and ending up in their drivers' hands — in addition to passenger doors and trim parts going AWOL.
When the U.S. Insurance Institute for Highway Safety conducted crash tests of 23 compacts in 1986, the car with the worst results was the Yugo, with $2,197 worth of damage in slow speed crashes against a flat barrier.
Still, over 100,000 Yugo GVs — standing for Great Value — were sold in the U.S. before Yugo America — the company that imported it — went bankrupt and Washington imposed economic sanctions on Belgrade for fomenting ethnic wars in the Balkans in 1992.
In the U.S., Yugo has made several joke appearances in Hollywood blockbusters such as Die Hard 3. Artists in America also found inspiration in the flimsy tin-can structure, turning it into something more useful — like a queen size bed or a kitchen stove.
When sales started plummeting in the late 1980s, some U.S. dealers tried to clear their stocks by throwing in a free Yugo with an Oldsmobile or a Cadillac.
"Of course, Yugo was never a BMW or a Cadillac, but I think most Americans did not know how to appreciate it," said Momcilo Spajic, a proud Serbian owner of a Yugo — one of the nearly 800,000 produced by the Zasava, or Flag, factory since 1980.
"This is driving in its most natural form. You feel every bump, squeak and jolt, and one can enjoy the sweet smell of gasoline and exhaust fumes," he said. "No car can replace it."
Zastava is finally stopping the production of Yugo because its new owners, Italy's Fiat, plans to start the assembly of its own compact, the Punto.
As Zastava's workers prepared to bid farewell to their greatest commercial success so far, they have attached a handwritten sign on the tailgate of the last Yugo on the production line.
It reads: "Cao, nema vise" — "Goodbye, no more."
Some YUGO jokes:
--What do you call a Yugo's shock absorbers? Passengers.
--The new Yugo has an air bag. Before an accident, start pumping real fast.
--How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill the gas tank!
--What do you call a Yugo at the top of a hill? A miracle.
--Man to car dealer: "I'd like a gas cap for my Yugo."
Dealer: "Sounds like a fair trade."
**The "Arrest In Peace" Department:
Five sheriff's deputies will be disciplined after they used a Taser while serving an arrest warrant on a man at his father's funeral, a North Carolina sheriff said Wednesday.
Gladwyn Taft Russ III was serving as a pallbearer at the Saturday service and was loading his father's casket into a hearse when the undercover deputies approached him.
Relatives said two deputies dressed in coats and ties grabbed Russ and kneed him in his back before using a Taser on him. One deputy's gun fell out of its holster.
"Everybody was so scared. We thought it was a drug deal gone bad," said Ronnie Simmons, another pallbearer and Russ' brother-in-law. "We almost dropped the casket."
New Hanover County Sheriff Sid Causey told The Star-News of Wilmington that five of the officers involved would be disciplined, although he wouldn't say what punishment they would face.
"I apologize to anyone that was there," Causey said. "Family, friends, relatives. ... That was a bad decision."
Russ, 42, had failed to surrender after being charged with threatening his ex-wife, who lives in another state. After his father died on Nov. 11, Russ agreed to surrender to authorities after the funeral.
When deputies approached Russ, he "went wild" and spat on the officers, Chief Deputy Ed McMahon said.
Russ was charged with assault on a government official, resisting an officer, disorderly conduct and felony malicious conduct by a prisoner. A call to Russ's home went unanswered Wednesday night and it was not yet known if he had retained an attorney.
**The Hand Me A Snot Rag Department:
An untimely sneeze nearly cost Andrew Hanson his life. The 42-year-old Weymouth man told authorities that a sneeze caused him to lose control of his pickup on Soldiers Field Road and plunge into Boston's Charles River on Tuesday.
Hanson was able to wade to shore after escaping from the truck, which was partially submerged in 4 feet of water. He was not seriously injured but was taken to a hospital as a precaution.
Lawrence Callahan of the Massachusetts Department of Conservation and Recreation said Hanson told him that after he sneezed, "the next thing he knew he was in the river."
**Kenny G, You Suck Department:
Wanted: Magical Pipe Player with Talent for Rodents.
Many people have scoffed at the idea that a strange and magical Pied Piper once came to Hamlin and enchanted the rats which were plaguing the German city, leading them to their watery graves in the nearby river Weser.
Others have even laughed at the ridiculous idea of a man being able to mesmerize rats and convince them to commit mass suicide with just the tunes from his whistle.
However, few of the current inhabitants of the north German city, known as Hameln in the native tongue, are laughing now.
In fact, if things get much worse, they may actually resort to advertising for such a Piper to come and rid them of the modern day mayhem which is terrorizing the city. The rats are back in Hamlin with a vengeance.
Hamlin 2: Return of the Rats
The city confirmed Tuesday, Nov. 18 that it was battling a rat population explosion in an area of overgrown former garden allotments close to the city center.
"It's like a rubbish dump in there and has developed into a rat refuge," said municipal spokesman Thomas Wahmes.
After a rapid rise in rat numbers this year, the vermin were spreading into a new housing estate nearby.
The city's hands are tied because it does not own the wilderness, where locals used to grow vegetables. Its ownership is legally so tangled that no one can act.
Rat poison has been distributed in a ring around the rat-ridden area but so large is the infestation that there are fears not even tactical toxins will help. The rampaging rat menace may require more supernatural solutions.
Hamlin beware: The piper didn't just vanish the local rats
If the inhabitants of Hamlin are once again lucky enough to have a mysterious musician show up out of the blue to solve their vermin problem, they would be wise to brush up on their medieval legends and get their check books ready.
In the original tale, the Pied Piper, after convincing the rats to drown themselves in the river, demanded payment.
The skinflints of Hamlin refused -- so the Piper vanished with all their children.
(Lesson learned here: Never piss off a musician!)
Now, if you STILL think YOUR life is worse than this...I don't know what to tell you...but Good Luck with that.

4 comments:

Dustin said...

I have a solution for the rat problem - pass out AR-15's along with free Ammo, use some floodlights & let the residents go to town blowing the rats up in a fun filled night shoot.

Love the Yugo jokes. Another car that had problems was the Nova when it was marketed in Mexico & Spain. In Spanish "No va" means "doesn't go" or "doesn't run" - not exactly a popular title for an automobile. LOL

Bob G. said...

LOVE the "rat solution"!
(wonder if it would work in MY neighborhood....yeah, I'm a bad boy)

And I did't think anyone would REMEMBER the "No-Va" thing, so I left it out.

My buddy had a '69 Nova (back in the early 80's, and we always kidded him about it (especially when he was tinkering with it).

Thanks for stopping by.

B.G.

indy said...

i remember the nova. the yugo i wanted to buy one real bad. told the husband at the time. he told me indy, (or something close to that name) you go to hell. well i was pretty much in this idea of buying on. so i went to the local buick dealership in lawton ok and checked it out. i got behind the wheel of that thing and i told the salesman that we need not take it out of the parking lot. he said why. i told him becouse i was scared for my life. i was afraid that i would have gotten hit and pretty much killed in that car. he said that it would be a big change from the buick lasabre that i was driving.

and the arrast at the funeral. i about died laughing. they thought it was a drug deal going down. omg. wonder if they are family to me. ........lol

thanks for the laughs after a long day at work and almost getting attacked by my own dog becouse i choose to come home from work on time and wake her up......omg.

Bob G. said...

The YUGO did have one saving grace...
You'd NEVER GO FAST ENOUGH to be seriously injured in ANY accident...LOL!
(if you could get it running and KEEP it running that is).

;)

B.G.