Time Keeps On Slipping...
Steve Miller wrote damn good songs back in the day.
I have to admit that being 57 years old isn't living quite "up" to my expectations, and maybe that's fine.
Perhaps none of us are meant to understand fully, the meaning of life...we're just meant to LIVE it.
And that the manner of living becomes the "meaning" of our lives...
Yeah, you can tell I'm waxing philosophical today, but I've got a pretty good reason.
I didn't plan to blog about this, but something said I should...so here it is.
Actor Patrick Swayze has lost his battle with pancreatic cancer and passed from us yesterday at his home.
He was 57 years old (sounds like Deja Vu?).
Here's the WIKI on his life and times:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Swayze
His passing affected me more than I thought, not because of his acting, or dancing, or his love of life, but simply because he was ONLY THREE DAYS OLDER than I currently am.
It's rough when a "contemporary" dies.
When you start to lose family members, hopefully you're young enough to never understand it, and that life will allow you the courtesy of cherishing your childhood and whatever innocence you retain...for a little longer.
I remember my uncle Joe passing away when I was not even in 4th grade, and I had trouble understanding why he was "sleeping" and wouldn't even bounce me on his knee again.
Later, my Grandfather passed, and that was easier...I was older, and in high school, and "thought I understood everything", as all teenagers do. I had a lot to learn about mortality, still.
My father passed in 1978, and although I was a "rock" for my mom, it hit me less than a year later, and that showed me what grief was truly all about. We knew Dad wasn't going to be with us much longer, and we resigned ourselves to that, when he was hospitalized. We had time to "prepare"...and get things situated.
Grandma passed in 1991, and we also knew that was coming.
By this time, my Mom was losing people she knew faster than she could keep track of. Dear friends...people known for a large part of her life, as well as her parents were gone.
I knew them all too, and that sense of "immortality" we all feel when we're barely into our twenties was fading fast.
My Mom passed away suddenly back in Philly in 1998, and having to take care of business THERE was an exercise in patience, steadfastness, and yes...a study in MORTALITY.
Here I was now, an "orphan" of sorts, with an in-law family only, which eased the situation to some degree.
(BTW...to any rich folks out there...I AM available for "adoption"...for cheap)
Now, you have to understand that all the people mentioned above were getting OLDER.
And with the exception of Dad (who was 57 when HE died...same age HIS father passed...weird, huh?), everyone was well into the septuagenarian decade. My aunt and grandma were into their NINETIES (Lord bless 'em).
Now, along the way, I also lost people I worked with...people my OWN age, give or take a year or two. And that can get traumatic.
You NEVER Expect those of "your generation" to go BEFORE you do.
But, unforeseen things DO occur...
I lost a dear friend back in 2003...knew him since high school, and went through many adventures with him, good and bad.
He and I were like Mutt & Jeff...Laurel & Hardy...Batman & Robin...Starsky & Hutch (the TV version, of course...lol)...you get the idea.
Friends like that don't come along all that frequently in life.
Funny thing, his name was HANK REARDON...same name as a character in Ayn Rand's book Atlas Shrugged.
We were the type of Friends (capital F) that were always there for one another...no matter what.
He's the guy you DEFINITELY want in your foxhole next to you.
Without ever saying a word, you KNEW that HE would "have your six".
And he knew likewise about you.
That pretty much brings me to TODAY.
I am 57. And I'm still here by the grace of God...nothing more.
I know that now.
Is it "borrowed time"?
Perhaps.
I should have bought the farm on a few occasions, but I guess the "price wasn't right", as things go.
I find myself, after all this time, right where people like Mom & Dad used to be decades ago...
Sometimes, it scares the hell out of me.
Other times, I think myself damn fortunate, that I managed to "beat the clock", as it were (so far).
I've said a few times to friends in the past: "If death comes knocking at my door, he BETTER be packing heat, cause we ARE going to get into it".
Yeah, still have a touch of that "immortality" in me....don't we all?
Be nice to see how things pan out, but we have to play whatever cards were dealt, even if it means we bluff our asses off along the way from time to time, JUST to stay in the game.
Maybe that's why when all is said and done, it's not about the LENGTH of time we're granted in this life, but how we manage WHAT TIME we're ALLOTTED that really counts.
Someone once said, regarding a child that died unexpectedly, that the "Brightest candles burn the fastest", and I believe that.
I've burned up a lot (of life's paraffin) in my time here, and hopefully, I've still got some left.
I look at my days now as a gift from my creator, as should we ALL.
Sure, it might seem sappy, and a bit mystic in concept, but it makes one stop and appreciate all that life has given a person, and that what lies ahead is just another step of a much greater journey.
And yes, I might piss, moan, bitch, gripe and kick along the way...
No one ever said that life was to be filled with complaceny, when it could be filled with SO much more, right?
Maybe I don't have the cat-like speed and reflexes I used to have, and maybe it takes longer for ALL my body to wake up every day, but at least I'm STILL waking the hell up...and that ain't so bad these days.
Do I consider myself "lucky"?
Nah...just FORTUNATE.
Because every one of those that have passed before me is STILL remembered fondly, and my job is to pass those memories along to those that can listen or read about them. So they never really are "gone"...just absent from us.
I might be around for another 30-40 years, or could kick the bucket tomorrow...I have no idea. But...what I do TODAY, so I can affect TOMORROW for the better will be the "game plan".
Can't ask for better than that, can you?
(I think I'll have to watch Roadhouse, or Dirty Dancing again....just because)
Stay safe out there, America.