31 October 2008

Weekend Roundup...
Ok, so it's the day affectionately called Hallowe'en, or as I like to refer to it as...
The Great Beg-A-Thon.
And I'm not being curmudgeonly, so hang in there and allow me to elucidate.
It DOES get better, people.
I've snatched a chunk of my post from last year to illustrate.
And I'm sure you will find this helpful, if not downright insightful.

From the Book Of Bob - Chapter 14 -
Holidays...and those that WANT to be.

I've got EIGHT rules when it comes to Trick or Treating (Hallowe'en), and Those of you planning to feed the huddled, costumed masses might take heed when these creatures of tonight come a' callin...
Rule #1: You show up WITHOUT a costume....you have TWO choices:
a) You can just turn around and LEAVE, or (my favorite) ...
b) Show me you're WORTHY of my free candy WITHOUT a costume by jumping through the FLAMING HOOPS I have set up on my lawn, OK? If the folks can't blow TEN bucks to get you SOME kind of costume (and dressing in mom's old clothes could bring up gender confusion issues, even though it's FREE), then just spend TWO bucks for some of your OWN candy (**hint: after the 31st, ALL the HALLOWEEN candy is 50% OFF...check Walgreens and CVS)!
Rule #2: If you're OLDER than say....12 years old, you better either have a DAMN GOOD (original) costume, or you better have the mental state of a 3 year old. Either one will get you treats! Anything else will get you a front door closed in your pre-pubescent face! If you're THAT old...just stop at Lassus Handy-Dandy and grab a bag of M&Ms for yourself, lazy-ass!
Rule #3: Face paint ALONE does NOT a costume make....Even SOLDIERS wear a UNIFORM WITH their face paint, and Indians have horses and head-dresses.....so...NO horse, NO head-dress...NO treats, Kimosabi!
Rule #4: If you are coming to my house on Halloween with a BUNCH of friends...be advised, I WILL be "packing" (to politely dissuade you from a home invasion)!
Rule #5: Don't try taking a "short cut" across MY lawn to cross the street (the wire fencing and punji sticks I have up will do a real number on your legs and feet...trust me)! Better to stay ON the sidewalk that the city provided with your parents' tax dollars!.
Rule #6: DO NOT show up at the house as a ZOMBIE, LIVING-DEAD person, or some sort of analogous entity. If I EVER want to see the living dead (aside from a George Romero flick), all I have to do is watch MOST of the non-working "neighbors on welfare" that have NO future (past the next bottle of malt liquor or blunt) meander through their pitiful lives. Also...NO ELMOS!
Rule #7: When I ask you to take what you want from the huge bowl of candy, that DOES NOT MEAN grab every damn single piece OF candy.....taking EVERYTHING should NEVER be a choice...it means be SELECTIVE and COURTEOUS...others might want to drop on by, 'K?
Rule #8: If you don't like what we GIVE (free) to you, don't even think about retaliatory measures....I've already PLANNED for THAT contingent...(heh, heh, heh)...and you might not like the result (did I mention NO ELMOS?).

Now, with that said, let me provide some "backstory" as to WHY we're not even bothering feeding the kids this year.
Yesterday just after the Missus came home, we had some of the "newbie" kids across the street horsing around, grabbing handfuls of stones and throwing them at one another. Now I'm all for kids having TOYS, as in something MAN-MADE as opposed to what nature provides for recreational time-killing. Sticks, rocks and the like belong to the Cro-magnon era. We've got Playstations, footballs, and tons of other useless crap to occupy these fertile minds and youthful bodies.
Question is: WHY do these kids have no REAL toys to speak of, and didn't anyone tell them that stones can INJURE someone?
(Apparently NOT. )
It was when they decided to migrate onto MY property (where my NO TRESPASS sign resides) and pick up some of the gravel stones from OUR driveway, that I shot out the door like a Patriot Missile with a solid GPS lock.
I yelled to the largest kid of the three (the ONLY way to get a point across): "HEY...GET THE HELL OFF OF THE PROPERTY...YOU DON'T LIVE HERE, AND STOP THROWING ROCKS AT EACH OTHER...SOMEONE'S GONNA GET HURT. WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU? I CATCH YOU HERE AGAIN, I'LL HAVE THE POLICE HERE LIKE THAT" (snapped fingers). Then I looked at the third boy coming back up the street smiling and told him: "AND THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, SMILEY. YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME RESPECT".
Now I goes to say without question that these "boys" will be out trick or treating tonight, but not at OUR house.
I really want to know where it says that we HAVE to hand out (free) candy that WE paid for, just so some kids, that show absolutely NO respect or regard for us OR our property, can be taught that bad behavior WILL get rewarded.
So you can see I have a reason behind my actions (as always).
That's why THIS year, I've become a bit more "creative" with my stance, using this sign, seen here.

I figure that speaks volumes.

***And in other news...
Seems that (on the S/E side) Bowser Street IS becoming a GSZ (Gangland Shootout Zone). Between the 4700 and 5200 blocks we had three houses and three cars hit by gunfire Tuesday night.
Police were called to 5202 Bowser around 1900 hours for a report of a signal 113 (shots fired). The house had bullet holes in the siding. A blue or black Chevy passenger car was seen leaving the area (good description - fits about several THOUSAND vehicles in the area - including my wife's). While officers responded to THAT call, a car struck a tree in the 4700 block of Bowser. Someone in that car told officers the MOB Life Gang shot at the car.
Police believe an assault type weapon was used because the rounds had gone THROUGH the tire rim. Police also recovered several 9 mm casings in the street, Two other cars were hit, and a house in the 4900 block of Bowser was also hit.
Just before midnight, police were called to another *113* - this time at a house at 1010 Milton St. Police reported that the man living at THAT house is a known member of the D Boys, another local gang. The man told police he isn't involved with the gang any longer (lol, yeah right), and didn't know who would shoot at the house.
No one was injured in any of the shootings.
And there is a *new* sex offender in the 4600 block of Monroe St. (S/E side, where else?)
Montray D. Green, 31, was charged Wednesday with FAILURE TO REGISTER as a sex offender. He is a guest of the Allen County Jail and bail is $10,000. So that makes at least FIVE in my immediate area (with about FIFTY within a mile radius).
Gee, I'm SO damn glad we've been told (would that be snookered into believing?) that crime has been going DOWN over the past few years, otherwise, I might develop a "complex" over all this.
Now, where is that Dick's Sporting Goods flyer that had those sales on AMMO?
So there you are...truth, justice, and the American way..all rolled up into one little-known blog posting.
Don't spend it all in ONE place, kapeesh?
Have fun at the Beg-A-Thon.
As for me?
I'll be watching Garfield's Hallowe'en DVD...
(to use the words of Maxwell Smart)
...and LOVING IT.
DO have a SAFE weekend.

(Monday) - Is the "fix" really IN for Tuesday?

12 comments:

Karla (ThreadBndr) said...

The older kids escorting younger siblings get a pass from me - esp if they dress up, too.

My little sis is 7 years younger than me, so I made the rounds with her untill I was in college. And the Marine!Goth and his best civilian friends took said friend's baby sister and her friends around (picture if you will, a young Marine poolie, a former Marine JROTC cadet and one ever patient GF - age 18, 19, 17 and FIVE, count em 5, seven and eight year old girls. It was a riot. And he still wants kids LOL)

This is the first year that the Marine!Goth has an apartment instead of living in quarters. I hope he remembered to buy candy.....

Bob G. said...

If he DIDN'T, maybe he can get out and do an early recon, snag some treats in time to hand some out himself!
(and remember rule #1 - TOMORROW, ALL candy for H'Ween is HALF OFF).
Better late than never, eh?
Be safe out there.

And thanks for stopping by.

B.G.

Jana said...

LOVE the sign!!

If we were allowed to put up signs on the door to our apartment, I think I'd do the same!

:D

~jana

Bob G. said...

J~
Thanks for your support...and I approve this message.

>.0

~B

Jana said...

Just wanted to let you know, I showed this to a pro-McCain/Palin community I'm in and they are giving you major kudos for making this sign!

One is using it on their Facebook profile and another has printed it out to show around her office!

:)

You've made an impact!

Yay Bob!

Bob G. said...

ROFL...Fantastic!!!

Hey, Maybe I'll consider becoming PALIN'S running mate in 2012...!
(nah..having WAY too much fun HERE)

And now...YOU have made MY week.

Thanks!

;)

B.G.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bob!!

I left you a message before but I am not sure if you got it. If you did, then ignore this message.

Great blog. I can't agree with you more!!

Here is the addy of my blog about this election. I would appreciate your opinion!!

Have a happy pumpkin day!! Morgie

http://susanbosler.wordpress.com/

Bob G. said...

Suz:
Thanks for the addy!

Have a safe one.

B.G.

indy said...

mmm i dont like the sign. but, you knew that. ok.....other then that...

i agree with the halloween thing. people get too grab happy and wild for really no reason but satins holiday. so we just dont celebrate this holiday at all.

and the rocks would have set me off. i just had 2 truck loads of gravel spread (make sure when you order gravel they have spreaders on the trucks)on my drive last year. thats alot of gravel and alot of money. i have been know to tell someone where to go when they touch my gravel.

and the crime in fort wayne. wtf. i think its safer in indy.

Bob G. said...

Indy:
The sign was just a little "redistribution of wealth" thing...LOL!

As to our crime...we're trying our damndest to be JUST LIKE the MAJOR cities...and it seems to be working (not that it's a GOOD thing).

And all our city leaders are concerned about is some stupid-ass new ball park downtown...
Sorry...never gonna be a FIRST-CLASS city with second-class aspirations (and a third-class approach to criminal behavior).

S'OK, though...I'm armed...and can GET dangerous when provoked (or required).

To everyone else...I think we've hit a new "first" here...the MOST COMMENTS on a single POST!!!
('cause I feel it's my duty to answer every one of you for taking the time to commnet)

CONGRATS to ALL of YOU...because YOU make this possible!!!

Thanks again.

B.G.

indy said...

:)

and i feel its my duty to check back to your responses. can you beleive its november already...

Bob G. said...

I'm still having a difficult time believing I'm 56 years "young"!
ROFL!
(where DID all that time go anyway?)

B.G.
(a few lifetimes wiser - hopefully)